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Dear Bounty Paper Towels Company,
hello there! i have a new product idea that i would like to pitch to u. pls do not disregard this as one of ur batch of bad apples that u receive every day. hear me out for u will certainly thank me when u r making ur billions! =D
allow me to add one more member to ur Bounty family! introducing... the SHAKING Quacker Waker-Upper!!! not necessarily a successor of the BIG Quicker Picker-Upper, in fact, it's quite a different product altogether! what is it, u eagerly ask? r u all ears? la dee la dee dum dee dum... *glancing around* oh, i can feel ur anticipation... i can taste ur eagerness... *licking lips* i can picture ur perspiration... u r on the verge of ur seat right this minute, eh? =P bwahahahaha... ummm... where were we? right! the new product idea! ok, what it is is simply a super-duper unbeatable alarm clock!!! no kidding! not something bulky and hard to handle for who buys those things... but something that u can handily place in ur travelling bag and it WORKS!! so, no worries about missing important meetings on ur business trips. for those who travel less, this product is for them too! it fits neatly in the palm of ur hand, in a pocket, in ur knapsack, in ur purse/shoulder bag, in ur briefcase, in ur gym bag, so it's for EVERYBODY from all walks of life and u can quite literally bring it EVERYWHERE!! to the kitchen, to the patio, to the playground, for disciplinary issues (i.e. time-out for ur children), to a camp, to the shopping center, to... u get the idea... (and yes, even to the bathroom if u think u have a tendency to fall asleep there.)
now, let's draw some comparisions between ur current top paper towel product and this new one i'm proposing, shall we?
here's the info u have supplied regarding ur product...
Bounty Extra, introducing the BIG Quicker Picker-Upper. It's more of what u love about Bounty.
Ever tried to clean up a tough mess only to find one towel fell a little short? If so, u r going to love Bounty Extra!
the BIG Quicker Picker-Upper:
"bigger sheets to handle bigger messes"
- 20% longer - Bounty Extra sheets are really big - more than 20% longer than regular Bounty sheets.
- superior absorbency and durability - These larger sheets make Bounty Extra more absorbent than regular Bounty. And it's more durable when wet than any other brand of 2-ply towel. This superior absorbency and durability minimize the frustrations of cleaning.
- more jobs per sheet - Bounty Extra lets you easily clean the toughest family messes - and handle more jobs per sheet. And the stylish border prints make it a convenient placemat for meals at home.
here's the info i'm supplying regarding my product (soon to become yours if u accept =D)... i'm selling the idea to u the way u sell ur ideas to ppl. that's gotta be hitting the nail on the head, right? ^0^
Bounty Ultimate, introducing the SHAKING Quacker Waker-Upper. It's more of what u adore about Bounty.
Ever tried to wake up out of a deep sleep only to find yourself still in slumber by mid-afternoon? If so, u r going to find Bounty Ultimate irresistible!
the SHAKING Quacker Waker-Upper:
"more effective beeps to handle deeper snoozers"
- it quacks!!!!! (how annoying... i mean, how useful and ingenius is that?!?!) - Bounty Ultimate is so powerful that it can awaken the deepest, most unconscious, loud-snoring rhinos from their sleep. And I mean AWAKEN!!
- hidden monitor - This private monitor installed within the face of the alarm clock will monitor the person's state until he/she gets up! Not only does the person have to be awake, but need to physically get up and remove oneself from bed. Otherwise, the quacking will not diminish even with multiple hits of the alarm-off button.
- NO snooze button!! (gee... i wonder why ppl. who invented those didn't think about this sooner?!) - Bounty Ultimate does not allow you the pleasure of hitting the snooze button, which contributes to the failures of the majority of the population in waking up. This becomes obviously useful once someone discovers that one's natural tendency to first rotate his/her arm to the alarm clock subsequently followed with a downward motion as a finale will cease to work.
and so, there u have it! attached pls find a schematic diagram for ur perusal. i'm most definitely looking forward to hearing from u! pls do not hesitate to reach me via any of the following means!! =)
yours, (not literally)
Lisa W.C. Tang
(ILL) WAKE-U-UP - (455) 925-3887
the_ultimate@bountyfamily.com
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